Damn the last post I had on here was May...I think I need to do better!
Anyway in the last few weeks I've had some things happen that have made me take a step back and reflect. I have some bad habits, I really do! (And I love Maxwell's latest release from his album!!) I have a habit of saying I want something, and then realize later on that what I thought I wanted I may not want or be ready for. I know to some people that seems immature or even childish, but I think everyone has been guilty of doing something that could be considered childish from time to time. I have a bad habit of being open but not open at the same time, if that makes sense. I feel that I'm pretty open and forthcoming with information about myself, but according to others I'm not. There have been times where I was purposely closed off to protect my feelings and my heart. I don't think there's anything wrong with protecting yourself because you can't trust everybody with everything right away, but my mistake was not letting go once I knew I loved this person. (Its crazy!)
I know I can be downright confusing sometimes and maybe even indecisive, but I'll readily admit that when I am indecisive its because I'm trying to move carefully and not hurt someone's feelings. Every time I've tried to protect someone else's feelings I have ended up doing more harm than good because I wasn't being totally true to myself and being totally honest with them. So for now on, I will just speak my mind and let the chips fall where they may.
I've come to terms with my bad habits and now its time for change and growth. One part of growth is admitting that you can do better and then making the adjustments to do it. I've taken the first step in admitting that I have some growing up to do and some changes to make....Now its time to walk the walk...I guess we'll see in due time!
