Bad Habits

Damn the last post I had on here was May...I think I need to do better! 

Anyway in the last few weeks I've had some things happen that have made me take a step back and reflect. I have some bad habits, I really do! (And I love Maxwell's latest release from his album!!) I have a habit of saying I want something, and then realize later on that what I thought I wanted I may not want or be ready for. I know to some people that seems immature or even childish, but I think everyone has been guilty of doing something that could be considered childish from time to time. I have a bad habit of being open but not open at the same time, if that makes sense. I feel that I'm pretty open and forthcoming with information about myself, but according to others I'm not. There have been times where I was purposely closed off to protect my feelings and my heart. I don't think there's anything wrong with protecting yourself because you can't trust everybody with everything right away, but my mistake was not letting go once I knew I loved this person. (Its crazy!)  

I know I can be downright confusing sometimes and maybe even indecisive, but I'll readily admit that when I am indecisive its because I'm trying to move carefully and not hurt someone's feelings.  Every time I've tried to protect someone else's feelings I have ended up doing more harm than good because I wasn't being totally true to myself and being totally honest with them.  So for now on, I will just speak my mind and let the chips fall where they may. 

I've come to terms with my bad habits and now its time for change and growth. One part of growth is admitting that you can do better and then making the adjustments to do it. I've taken the first step in admitting that I have some growing up to do and some changes to make....Now its time to walk the walk...I guess we'll see in due time! 

Dating People WIth Kids...

This has been a hot topic for some time with my co-workers. I was having a conversation with one of my male co-workers yesterday, and he stated that he doesn't date women with kids. I asked him why, given the fact that so many people have kids. He said because he doesn't like the feeling that at any moment, her child's father could be back in the picture. While I understand why he feels that way, I think that's a stereotype of people with children. I'll take myself as an example, my child's father and I broke up 3 months after she was born, and we have not messed with each other since then, and she's 4! I think its unfair to believe that everyone that has a kid will mess with their babymama/babyfather, that's just not always the situation. Now we all know that it happens, but to not date someone for that fear is stupid in my opinion...

Embarrassing moments...

The last 2 weeks have been so embarrassing for me at work....The first incident being last week when I was having a bad hair day and I wore a wig to work. Well someone I should've made sure it was secure because when I was going to lunch with a co-worker of mine, a strong gust of women came through and blew my wig straight off my head!!! You wanna talk about a moment where I wished the Earth would open up and swallow me whole...that was the moment! It took the rest of the week to live down that moment, and what made it worse was that a bunch of construction workers were outside eating lunch and they saw what happened. The second incident was yesterday when I tossed my breakfast all over the hallway floor en route to the bathroom...So yeah the last couple of weeks have been real embarrassing...but you know what I can appreciate having moments like that because it provides some much needed laughter at my stressful ass job!

If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

What's Love?

What's love?

Its an easy question, but really what is love? Is it happiness? Is it understanding? Is it a warm gushy feeling on the inside? Butterflies in your stomach? There's so many ways to describe love and what it feels like, but no one can really answer that question of what is love? I've seen and experienced different types of "love" that didn't really match any of the feelings above. I've had that abusive love, you know that type of love where your man will smack the sh*t out of you on a regular basis, but claim that he loves you. Hmm...I've had that type of love before and it didn't make me feel warm and gushy inside! I've experienced puppy love, you know that love you feel when your around your crush, or the one you claim is your first love. That young inexperienced, I don't know what this is but I think its love! That made me feel warm and gushy inside with butterflies in my stomach, but that love didn't last long. So could it really qualify?

I've had the "I-cheat-on-you-but-you're-my-main-squeeze" love, and I felt something inside, I felt sick to my stomach! How can you really love someone but cheat on them and treat them badly? I've experienced all types of love and never really could pin point what made it love or why I would think I was in love with that person in the first place. The person that I love it feels so genuine and effortless that its scary, but maybe thats what love is. Its effortless, and natural, genuine and real, and it comes so easily that you don't even realize that you're in love til you're already head over heels. I know that probably sounds cliche` but thats how I feel right about now, and its great......